Now obviously and rightfully so family courts go into incredible detail to make sure the applicant can provide the child with the environment it needs to grow up into the person their capable of being. I don’t believe anybody could argue that is the right thing to do, to ensure every child gets the best possible start to life. One area in particular is the mental health of the applicant, naturally somebody whose mental health is suffering could potienally end up unintentionally denting their child’s upbringing. However I’ve discovered myself in somewhat of a mental health prison.
I suffer with my mental health directly due to the fact I am not involved in my daughter’s life. I am desperate to be her father and contribute to that beautiful girl becoming a beautiful woman and the fact I am not hurts. Hurts deep within myself and causes me issues that progress into mental health issues. I feel guilty for not being there (despite my best efforts to be), I grieve for the loss of my flesh and blood in my life, I sit awake at night and wonder what she did today, I doubt myself on whether I am strong enough to keep fighting this cause. I love my daughter more than anything but the stress and hardship of fighting for that right to be her daddy again is monumental and I’m not ashamed to say there are times that affects me. The process of family court does feel like you are on trail, for the crime of being a bad parent, and you have to prove your innocence. Any trail that holds such huge significance naturally takes its toll.
I know these are issues and I am now seeking the appropriate help through my GP and the depression and anxiety service run by the NHS. But truth be told I am scared to say how I really feel. Any mental health problem is difficult to talk about anyway but knowing that whatever I say will be shown to the courts it worries me to discuss my feelings in case of being deemed unfit to parent. What if they diagnose something which then becomes a reason for the court to refuse contact? What if they think my mental health would affect my daughter? What if they use a word like ‘unstable’ ‘depressed’ ‘anxious’ and the courts see that as reason enough to stop access? I am comfortable with why my mental health issues are there, and I know they are appropriate to the situation I’m in, but what if the courts don’t see it that way? I feel stuck in a trap that I know I have my issues and I know to become a better person and better parent I must improve my mental health. But what if me seeking help for my issues ends up furthering the very thing that is causing them?
It’s a catch 22 of the courts want to see my seeking out help and taking active steps to a better state of mind, but also they will punish me for any mental health issues that get back to them. Which will be any I tell any professional as the court wants to see reports.
Any parent who looses access to their child will go through an incredibly difficult time when they need all the help they can get, but what are fathers to do when that help threatens to further the core problem.
A Forgotten father 