Welcome back

This is my first post for quite some time on this site and that is entiely down to me personally giving up.

After too many catastrophic court hearings, too many biased judges, and too many games played, I broke. Crushed and trampled mentally I compleatly gave up all hope of ever seeing my daughter again, let alone having a proper relationship with her. Thats not to say i stopped my court, i continued jumping through every hoop is was asked to and continued all avenues. However it became more about being able to say in the future that “I tried” rather than any actual hope of progess towards contact. Everything I was and wanted disappeared and I became nothing more than a zombie doing the bare minimum to surrive. I am not ashamed to say I fell into deep depression and I was at rock bottom as I grieved the loss of my daughter.

A professional was quoted saying that I acted “appropriately to the stresses he is under”. So effectively every father who is fighting the system to see their child is expected to have to deal with depression as if its a common cold? ‘Its bad at the moment but drink pleanty and it will pass’. No. Nobody should ever be beaten into such a submissive state that they lose all sense of ambition, determination or pride, nobody no matter what suiation derserves that. No matter the outcome of my case, I will wear the scars of this fight with me forever and it’s changed me as a person . I will wear them like a crown of thorns though and show the world, and in particular my daughter, what stubbornness looks like.

I gave up. I curled up into a ball and told the world I was done.

“The world will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. Because nobody hits harder than life. But it anit about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. Thats how winning is done!”

Rocky Balboa

I am not ashamed to say I let it push me to the ground and beat me until I couldn’t take anymore. But I will fight whatever life throws at me until I am back on my feet and beating some russian guy, or somthing like that. Because I know it’s whats best for my duaghter that I fight and so long as that is the case I’ll beat any wall that is put between us.

I promised that little girl I would do right by right her and I will continue to stubbornly do that.